(Keep) Holding On
by wallofcrazy
Summary: After she comes back home from Mars, Kara texts Lena. OR Kara needs her best friend. OR I missed Supercorp/Lena this week.


**Hi, lovelies.**

 **This is a quick something that wouldn't leave me after having watched this week's episode.**

 **I hope you enjoy. :)**

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:03]** Hey

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:04]** Hey you.

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:04]** What are you up to?

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:04]** The usual.

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:05]** Lena!

 **[20:05]** You're at the office on a Sunday night?

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:05]** It's already Monday morning in some places.

 **[20:06]** How was your sister's party?

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:06]** Don't think I didn't notice the change in subject.

 **[20:07]** There was an unfortunate episode with Maggie's homophobic father, but other than that, it was a success.

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:07]** That's good to hear.

 **[20:08]** Not about Maggie's dad. The successful party part.

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:08]** I know what you meant, you dork.

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:09]** How are you? We haven't talked in a couple of days…

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:12]** I'm okay.

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:12]** Kara.

 **[20:12]** How are you really?

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:13]** I'm holding on.

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:13]** Are you home?

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:13]** Yeah.

 **[20:14]** I just finished cleaning up the party evidence.

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:14]** Can I come over?

* * *

 **Kara:**

 **[20:14]** You don't have to ask that.

* * *

 **Lena:**

 **[20:15]** I'll be there in 20.

* * *

"Hi," Lena greets with a smile when Kara opens the door.

"Hi," Kara greets back as she welcomes Lena into her home. When she turns around after having closed the door she finds Lena right behind her, fidgeting with the belt on her coat.

"I'm going to give you a hug, is that okay?" Lena asks almost shyly, and Kara opens her arms instead of giving a verbal answer.

"You don't ever need to ask that either," Kara says into Lena's neck as soon as they wrap their arms around each other. Because she's wearing her favorite fuzzy pair of socks, more for comfort than for the feeling of the cold floor on the soles of her feet, and because Lena is in high heels, their height difference has switched, giving Lena the advantage of being taller and Kara the comfort of being completely engulfed in her best friend's embrace.

Kara's always been a very tactile person, but in these past few months she has enclosed herself in a cocoon of isolation and the touches that have always been given so freely, the touches that have always been so welcomed by her have become scarce, and Kara misses being physically close to the people she loves.

Hugs in greeting or goodbye hugs are important. Kara loves them. But there's nothing quite as soothing as being enveloped by the arms of someone you care about for those extra moments that only familiarity provides, that only familiarity allows. And that's how Kara feels the instant Lena's arms surround her. Kara lets out a long breath and her heart flutters when she feels Lena doing the same.

"I missed you," Lena whispers into Kara's hair, and Kara knows Lena is not referring to the past couple of days when they haven't seen each other.

"I missed you too," Kara says pressing their bodies' closer together; glad they don't have an audience this time, glad they are in the safety of her home and not in the open space of their workplace; glad that she's reconnecting with her best friend.

* * *

"You want some cake?" Kara asks as Lena places her coat on the hanger by the entrance.

"Yes," Lena answers promptly.

Kara shoots a scrutinizing look her way, "How long has it been since you've last eaten something?" Kara asks ready to pull her fridge door open.

Lena's long pause to think about her last meal is answer enough. Kara takes a few eggs and milk from the fridge and starts to work on cooking some scrambled eggs.

"Kara, you don't need to prepare anything, just a slice of cake will suffice," Lena tries to argue.

"Usually, I'd agree with you, but I know your eating habits can be worse than mine, so-"

"Excuse me," Lena interrupts her, "My eating habits are very healthy-"

"When you actually take the time to eat, sure," Kara says raising her eyebrows, daring Lena to dispute her, and by the look on Lena's face, she knows she's won that argument.

Lena is very particular about what she eats, but throughout the course of their friendship, Kara has learned that her best friend has a very unhealthy habit of skipping meals, and that, in Kara's books, is worse than having pot stickers for breakfast. Not that she would say that to Lena, because she knows what battles to pick when it comes to their eating habits, and that's one she would royally lose.

She grins after a few moments of them staring at each other, and Lena laughs.

She's missed this.

* * *

It's two hours later and they are on Kara's couch trying to catch up on the hours of TV they have accumulated in their queue during the months they have been at odds.

When Kara first logs in on their joined profile she feels a pang of guilt when she notices it's been untouched, that Lena hasn't watched anything in the past few months either.

Kara has missed a lot of things about her life prior to the Daxamite invasion, but Lena's friendship, Lena's presence in her life is something she has craved on her worst nights. However, in her guilt driven actions, in her quest of burying Kara Danvers, she has deprived herself of seeking comfort in her best friend, and in doing so, she realizes, she has punished Lena as well.

Over those isolation months, for so many times she has flown over L-Corp, for so many times she has flown over Lena's building, and that ache in her chest, the one she's tried so hard to push down, would crush her heart and make her fly in the opposite direction. Because to stop by, to seek Lena would mean having to face the feelings she's tried so hard to distance herself from. And, at the time, not facing them was the only thing that had kept her going.

"It gets easier… To carry on with life," Kara hears Lena say from her place on the couch. When Kara looks up, she notices that Lena has a look on her face that tells her she hasn't been paying attention to what's been playing on the TV.

"If I knew what actually happened to him, I don't think it'd be this hard," Kara says weakly. "I'm… I'm _sure_ it wouldn't be this hard," she closes her eyes as she lets the air out through her mouth. "And then… Thinking like this makes me feel guilty because I don't think it would be hard at all."

"You didn't love him?" Lena asks softly with a frown.

"I, I did, but I wasn't in love with him. It was a… It was a relationship that started on the wrong foot, and we were sort of friends and in the end, I just settled because it was easier than to deal with all the consequences of a break-up, I guess."

"I wish I could do something to make this pain go away," Lena scoots closer and Kara falls into her and rests her head on Lena's shoulder.

"You are," Kara whispers, "This… I… I needed, need this," Kara says and Lena presses her lips to the top of Kara's head.

"I'm sorry I've pushed you away," Kara says and looks up, and she is met with Lena's glossy eyes and tight-lipped smile.

"It wasn't the best of times, not being able to connect with you, but don't apologize for needing space. I understand that," Lena squeezes her shoulder, "But, maybe, in the future, if you need to distance yourself again…"

"I promise you this won't happen again. You're stuck with me, Lena Luthor," Kara says and Lena's face breaks into a full grin.

"I really, really, missed you," Kara says as she adjusts herself into Lena's side, her head leaning on her shoulder as Lena's arm immediately envelops her in a side hug.

"Me too," Lena says so quietly that someone without super-hearing would have missed it. So Kara presses further into her, letting Lena know she's heard it, and Lena hits play on the next queued episode.

* * *

"Do you think my boss would be mad if I clocked into work a bit late in the morning so I can hang out with my best friend for a little longer?" Kara says in a serious tone and Lena lets out a full laugh, one that Kara feels forming inside of her before it even leaves her best friend's mouth.

"Is that your way of asking me to sleep over?"

"Damn, I thought I was being subtle," Kara chuckles as she extricates herself from Lena's side so she can look at her face.

Lena laughs, "You don't really do subtle."

"You're being mean," Kara says with a pout.

"It's my Luthor genes shining through," Lena jokes and Kara shakes her head in amusement as her heart soars at their easy banter.

"Would you… Stay over?" Kara asks directly after a few beats, her tone a bit more somber.

"I will," Lena smiles in understanding.

"Nights are harder. I have… Hum… Dreams…" Kara confesses in a small voice.

"I'm here for you," Lena says as she places her hand on Kara's and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"Do you…?" Kara says in a lighter tone, tilting her head. The atmosphere in the room changes once again with her sing-song tone.

"Do I…?" Lena mimics Kara's head movement and tone.

"…Think my boss would notice if I got in a bit later?" Kara wiggles her eyebrows and bats her eyelashes dramatically.

"I think she can let it slide this one time," Lena winks at her and Kara's heart flips inside her chest.

In this past couple of weeks, Kara has realized that these feelings she's had ever since the invasion, they aren't actually about losing Mon-El. These feelings go deeper and far back than the latest events that ignited them. They go all the way back to the day her parents put her in that same pod she's shipped Mon-el off into the abyss. Understanding that has made her realize that guilt is not the main emotion that has steered her, it's actually grief.

Grief for all the things she's lost.

Grief for all the things that could have been.

The grief she has neglected for so long because the pain it evokes is so excruciating.

But Kara couldn't tell Lena any of that. Not yet, at least.

She wants to tell Lena the whole truth. Hiding the Super identity from her best friend is starting to take its toll on her. She decides she's going to talk to Alex about it. She needs to tell Lena, and even though it's her secret to tell, it would have repercussions in the lives of the people who are closest to her, and Kara doesn't feel comfortable making that decision unilaterally.

Running this through Alex is the smart approach. Kara is almost sure her sister won't have any objections to letting Lena in on the Super business. She's not entirely sure about the others, but if she has her sister on one side and Lena on the other she is certain she can face anything.

But until she talks to Alex, relishing in these moments of quiet and comfort between her and her best friend is what it's going to make Kara Danvers face another day come morning.

* * *

 **You know the drill, your comments keeps me going. :)**

 **Also, I know it's been a few of weeks since I last updated "Heartbeats," but I promise chapter 3 is coming. I just had a few busy couple of weeks and I'm just now getting back into writing again.**


End file.
